From my last post, you guys already know I have finished working the job that I couldn’t stand anymore. I thought it would make me happier to be out of there but I still feel crappy.
In the since I have finished working there, I went back home to London for a month and I’ve been back in Korea for a week. I thought going home would make me happier, and while it did for a little bit, I was getting more angry and more stressed out. Family issues, house literally falling apart and detailing with my dog and cat not being there anymore.
On the way back to Korea, I also got into some issues about my visa which was a nightmare. The one thing that makes me panic is not being able to know my right to work in Korea is in jeopardy. I sorted things out finally but I’m still not happy.
I haven’t had luck with finding a job to do with writing, which is making me wonder if I am even good enough to be a journalist, editor, professional blogger or any of my dream jobs.
I know this post is literally going on about all the negatives in my life, and there are people who are worse off then I am, but I need to let everything out.
Dating a Korean who has very limited English understanding, is hard when I just need to tell someone my issues. Of course he is the first person I want to run to when I feel sad. I can’t speak to him in Korean about it because my Korean isn’t good enough to convey just how much it is affecting me. Every time I make a mistake he laughs because he thinks it’s cute. It takes away from the seriousness of how I am feeling.
My brother who I want to tell everything to is back in England and I couldn’t even meet him when I went back home. I have other friends but I don’t want to burden them with my issues. My quarter life crisis. That is what it is.
I find myself crying over everything, wanting to watch things that remind me of my childhood, wishing I could turn back time to when I had no responsibilities, comparing myself to people the same age as me who are more successful at life. Beating myself up for not doing things differently.
The worst thing is, I don’t know what to do next. What can get me out of this stage in my life. How I can make myself the bubbly person I was before. Maybe it will come in time, but what if it doesn’t?
This is my only outlet and the only place where I feel like someone might hear me and give me advice. The only place where I feel like I am not talking to myself or a brick wall.
Through all of this, writing is still my passion, and I know that if I could just make something of my writing, I will be happier. It’s so hard to do that when I am living in another country with a visa that depends on my to find work.
After writing all of this, I am not even sure of what my conclusion is. But I feel 10x lighter.
I’m having second thoughts about if I should post this or not. Who would I be harming if I did?
I’m going to post in the hopes that someone who is in my situation finds it and thinks, ‘I’m not the only one.’