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Quarter life crisis?

Hey guys.

From my last post, you guys already know I have finished working the job that I couldn’t stand anymore. I thought it would make me happier to be out of there but I still feel crappy.

In the since I have finished working there, I went back home to London for a month and I’ve been back in Korea for a week. I thought going home would make me happier, and while it did for a little bit, I was getting more angry and more stressed out. Family issues, house literally falling apart and detailing with my dog and cat not being there anymore. 

On the way back to Korea, I also got into some issues about my visa which was a nightmare. The one thing that makes me panic is not being able to know my right to work in Korea is in jeopardy. I sorted things out finally but I’m still not happy.

I haven’t had luck with finding a job to do with writing, which is making me wonder if I am even good enough to be a journalist, editor, professional blogger or any of my dream jobs. 

I know this post is literally going on about all the negatives in my life, and there are people who are worse off then I am, but I need to let everything out. 

Dating a Korean who has very limited English understanding, is hard when I just need to tell someone my issues. Of course he is the first person I want to run to when I feel sad. I can’t speak to him in Korean about it because my Korean isn’t good enough to convey just how much it is affecting me. Every time I make a mistake he laughs because he thinks it’s cute. It takes away from the seriousness of how I am feeling. 

My brother who I want to tell everything to is back in England and I couldn’t even meet him when I went back home. I have other friends but I don’t want to burden them with my issues. My quarter life crisis. That is what it is. 

I find myself crying over everything, wanting to watch things that remind me of my childhood, wishing I could turn back time to when I had no responsibilities, comparing myself to people the same age as me who are more successful at life. Beating myself up for not doing things differently. 

The worst thing is, I don’t know what to do next. What can get me out of this stage in my life. How I can make myself the bubbly person I was before. Maybe it will come in time, but what if it doesn’t?

This is my only outlet and the only place where I feel like someone might hear me and give me advice. The only place where I feel like I am not talking to myself or a brick wall. 

Through all of this, writing is still my passion, and I know that if I could just make something of my writing, I will be happier. It’s so hard to do that when I am living in another country with a visa that depends on my to find work.

After writing all of this, I am not even sure of what my conclusion is. But I feel 10x lighter. 

I’m having second thoughts about if I should post this or not. Who would I be harming if I did? 

I’m going to post in the hopes that someone who is in my situation finds it and thinks, ‘I’m not the only one.’ 

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Adoption

On the news & on the Guardian website, I saw an article that adoption rules will change slightly in order to make it easier for adults to adopt children of a different race.

Finally.

I always thought it was outragous that you could only adopt a child of the same race as yourself.
I want to adopt when I’m older because I believe the world is already over populated, so why should I bring a new child into this world when there are children already, that need homes?

Race is not important. When a child is 5 years old, the won’t care if you are a different colour to them.
If the reason it is hard is because the child will know that they are adopted, wouldn’t it make them stronger? Wouldn’t they love you more because you decided to  take them in & that is the most selfless thing anybody can do? Then maybe they will adopt when they are older and give another child opportunites that orphans don’t get?

A black child is 3 times less likely to get adopted than a white child. And that isn’t because people don’t want black children, it is because there are more white families that consider and fulfill adoption than black families & they can’t adopt a child from another race.

So apparently it is better for Black children not to get adopted instead of being adopted by parents of a different race because they will feel ‘out placed’. No family? Ask questions? I know what I’d prefer.

I really hope this change happens soon because it is something that should have always been possible.

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Pain

I hate having to wake up early. Sleep is always ends up being nicer when you have to get up.
The funny thing is, I get up early every morning by default. Even if I’ve gone to sleep at 1am, my body wakes up at 7am.

But since I know I have to be up at 7am tomorrow, I’m 100% sure I
I will find it hard to get up.

Goodnight!

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It’s so hard. (that’s what she said) hehe!

Okay I’m seriously finding it soo hard to loose weight! I love food too much. I know I should cut down on carbs, and make me portions smaller (although my portions are already tiny), but I just can’t. I know that I can lose weight because I have bedn slimmer, but I feel as if I don’t have time.

My life has been kinda crazy since my grandma came to visit from back home. She’s not very well so I don’t like leaving her for long. And most of my time is spent at work. -_-

But now I’m seriously going to take time out to work out. Even if that means losing a few hours sleep (=[ ).
I need to get slim again & stop wasting £25 for a gym membership I haven’t used in 3 months.

Please leave me words of encouragment!